Thursday, August 20, 2009

To That World...

I'm pretty sure I have a personality disorder. Haha. I don't know if I'm bipolar or what--and I've actually retained only about 10 centavo's worth of knowledge about psychology, so forgive me for not knowing what I'm talking about. What I do know is, one day I'm depressed as hell, and the next, I find myself thinking that life's just as dandy as ever. Wanna see what I'm talking about?

Exhibit A (a.k.a Super Mega Over Sa Nega II)

Written on August 18, 2009. 11:45-ish p.m.
Just another night. Today should be a happy day, if you get my drift (and you probably don't), but with almost 15 minutes left, I'm going to drop the forced cheer and sigh. Because despite the labels that people have allowed me to attach to them--friend, best friend, girlfriend--tonight, I have no one. I have nothing, not even my computer. I'm actually blogging on my phone, to be typed when I get the chance. So what I do have are 3000 characters. More than enough to lash out with all the angst in the world--the one I've been harboring for the last week.

At the end of the day, all I have are words. But this time--just for tonight--I would rather have the smallest of actions.

It's an embarrassment to admit that I get that depressive. WTF. Haha. I only used up about 670 characters--if I got my arithmetic right, anyway--but see? 670 characters of 100% concentrated angst. Pakamatay ka na. Haha.

The heavy mood went on until Wednesday night when I caved in and found myself walking around the neighborhood at 11 p.m., almost teary-eyed, and trying to buy regular load because my friends are all Globe subscribers. I texted two very good friends. I got to talk to them, and they helped ease the mood. I also got to talk it out a little with her and we ended up joking. I talked to myself a lot, like I always do, and my rational side won the debate. The mood was lifted.

[to be continued]


Juvy said...

You do know you're not the only depressive person in this world right? And I want you to know that you're not the worst depressive person. haha.

rz fortajada said...

Awwts. Ngayon ko lang nabasa. Thank you. :D I'll keep that in mind. :)


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