...And Back

[now continued. See, I work fast. Haha.]

Exhibit B (Where I really just want to make kuwento.)

Today (or yesterday), was a freaking busy day. I spent a grand total of 11 hours in school. Two classes, a lunch date, and a seminar.

By 8:30a.m., I wasn't really in school. I was rattling away to U.N. Avenue on the LRT. I came in late, but got lucky because our professor was late too. After the class I chattered Monica's eardrums out (she's a co-OrCom shiftee of mine) for an hour and a half. Then we met up with the other shiftees--Jaypee, Dien, Jorge, and Kye--for a lunch date. We went to KFC and shared stories over the various chicken dishes.

By around 1, we were back in CAS, with Eunice too (another transferee), for the OrComSoc seminar on Events Organizing. More chismisan for us, but definitely a lot more knowledge. I managed to pick up handfuls of useful information and tips about the exciting, exhilarating, enticing world of Events Organizing. TeamAsia founder and president Ms. Monette Iturralde-Hamlin talked about Strategic Planning. There was also Ms. Marcie Linao, marketing group head of Summit Media on Events Marketing. Last was Brainbox Company Inc. creative director, Ms. Lynnette Buenafe on Events Execution. It was really informative, and while I'm still dead set on a career in advertising, events isn't out of the running anymore.

By 4, we were at the library, chattering some more, until Jorge had to go home, then Eunice and I had to go to class, for the debate which Jaypee decided to watch. Yeah, DS128. The usual. A good debate, and all that.

I made the mistake of taking the LRT home. It was so jam-packed that I had to let two trains just pass by before I decided I could squeeze in on the third (or was it the fourth?) Anyway, my legs died in there and then the traffic delayed my trip home some more, and then--finally, oh finally--I was home. Guess what? Manok din yung ulam.

* * * * *

So anyway. Long day, long story. My point is, so maybe I'm not exactly bipolar--maybe I'm just a person with mood swings. But I'm just glad to know that I can deal with things better now. I have old and trusted friends to run to, and new friends to build relationships with. Life is good when you look at it that way.

To That World...

I'm pretty sure I have a personality disorder. Haha. I don't know if I'm bipolar or what--and I've actually retained only about 10 centavo's worth of knowledge about psychology, so forgive me for not knowing what I'm talking about. What I do know is, one day I'm depressed as hell, and the next, I find myself thinking that life's just as dandy as ever. Wanna see what I'm talking about?

Exhibit A (a.k.a Super Mega Over Sa Nega II)

Written on August 18, 2009. 11:45-ish p.m.

Just another night. Today should be a happy day, if you get my drift (and you probably don't), but with almost 15 minutes left, I'm going to drop the forced cheer and sigh. Because despite the labels that people have allowed me to attach to them--friend, best friend, girlfriend--tonight, I have no one. I have nothing, not even my computer. I'm actually blogging on my phone, to be typed when I get the chance. So what I do have are 3000 characters. More than enough to lash out with all the angst in the world--the one I've been harboring for the last week.

At the end of the day, all I have are words. But this time--just for tonight--I would rather have the smallest of actions.

It's an embarrassment to admit that I get that depressive. WTF. Haha. I only used up about 670 characters--if I got my arithmetic right, anyway--but see? 670 characters of 100% concentrated angst. Pakamatay ka na. Haha.

The heavy mood went on until Wednesday night when I caved in and found myself walking around the neighborhood at 11 p.m., almost teary-eyed, and trying to buy regular load because my friends are all Globe subscribers. I texted two very good friends. I got to talk to them, and they helped ease the mood. I also got to talk it out a little with her and we ended up joking. I talked to myself a lot, like I always do, and my rational side won the debate. The mood was lifted.

[to be continued]

Super Mega Over Sa Nega

Finally, an update--but not a pleasant one at that. And because I'm in a weird mood, this post is a code-switching post. Chikahan lang, wala masyadong pseudo-philosophical musings tungkol sa buhay ko na hindi ko naman alam kung nairerelate niyo ba naman sa buhay niyo. Sa wakas 'no? Hallelujah.

So, how's my life? Ayun. Nobody cares. That's the whole point. The rest are details. And the details go like this:

OO, IKAW NA. IKAW NA ANG MAYAMAN!
Ang mas nakakabadtrip lang sa pagkalibing six feet under my usual poverty line, ay ang knowledge na yung mga taong pinakakinaaasaran ko ay parang hindi naghihirap. Eepal pa rin sa pasalubong galore, at parang hindi nauubusan ng pang-gas kahit nagdagdag nanaman sila ng singil per liter. Hindi naman siya malnourished. At lalong hindi din siya naliligaw na bata para mag-offer kayo ng hatid-sundo. Nako, wala nang maibababa ang self-esteem ko. Tinatamad nakong mag-self pity kasi forever na lang kayong ganyan. Hintayin niyo lang pag yumaman ako, at naging corporate superpower. Kahit sa panaginip ko lang mangyayari yun, lagot talaga kayo sa'kin. Bwahahaha.

IKAW NA ANG MAHAL NG LAHAT!
Ako kasi, hindi. Ewan ko ba. Yung feeling lang na ang dami dami mong kakilala, pero madalas parang wala ka pa ring friend. Oh dear, ang emow. Bakit ba naman kasi ang pangit ng schedule ko. Wala tuloy akong friends. At bakit ba naman kasi, napaka-introverted ko minsan. Ako din naman kasi 'tong hindi nagsheshare. At kung minsan naman ay trip kong magshare, hindi naman ata nila halatang seryoso na yung problema ko kaya hindi namin napapagusapan nang seryoso. Promise, sa lahat siguro ng parte ng blog na 'to, dito lang ako seryoso. Hindi lang ako makapag-uber emo kasi binusog ko na ang sarili ko sa KFC burger meal at menthol lights. At mas maigi na siguro ang ganun.

IKAW NA ANG MATALINO!
Mayabang na, fine. Pero hindi ako sanay sa buhay petiks. Mas sanay ako sa buhay na hinaharass ako ng mga tao, na may significant part ng group work na pababayaan at idedepende nila sakin. Pero simula nung pumasok ako sa UP, ako na si petiks. Paano ba naman, ang galing nilang lahat, at mas magagaling sila sa'kin. Feeling ko pa ayaw nung isang prof ko sa'kin. Hahaha.

IKAW NA ANG KARESPE-RESPETO!
Minsan, feeling ko, napakalaki kong push-over. Siguro alam kasi nila na hindi ako ganun ka-tapang. Ako yung tipong hindi marunong pumalag kahit dapat na. Kaya minsan, pakiramdam ko ay walang-wala akong authority over certain people. Lagi na lang ako yung inaasar, at nagiging clown. Masaya naman, nakakatawa. It's just that sometimes, I find myself looking for more than just that.

So ayun lang naman. I'll probably be telling stories next time.

Nga pala, kung mababasa 'to ng mga taong close sa'kin, wala akong galit sa inyo. :D Parte lang 'to ng annual depression syndrome ko. Haha.

At the end (or middle pa lang pala) of the day, even if--in my depressive, warped opinion--nobody cares as much as I would like them to, ayus lang 'yun. I know you love me naman. XOXO. LOL.

What's Up Philippines?: On The 2009 State of the Nation Address

[This is my reaction paper for a Developmental Studies cognate. Anyone who copies, dies. >:D]

I don’t usually watch SONAs. Or if I do, my short attention span gets the better of me and I either fall asleep, or wander off and do something else halfway through the address. It’s not that I don’t care about how the country is doing. I just don’t care that much for percentages, pie charts, and bar graphs (even if I was a former almost-Math major). Maybe I get bored because I don’t feel any personal connection with the statistics they present. If one really wants to know how the country is doing, riding a jeepney everyday—with kids wiping your shoes, asking for spare change—sure beats hearing about an “x percent increase in GDP since the last year”.

However, this year, I decided to watch the whole SONA, mainly since it would be President Arroyo’s last (or at least, it better be). The first thing that strikes me about GMA’s SONAs is the never-ending applause. They seem to clap after every sentence. Politics does involve some kissing up (Haha). But seriously, I cannot give blow-by-blow rebuttals about the things she said. I’m rather ignorant about figures, especially in Economics. However, it did make me think about some things.

First off, a SONA—basing on the few that I’ve witnessed—is basically a walk on the bright side of our country’s condition. A State of the Nation Address will talk about everything that went right, and none of what didn’t go so well. Statistics doesn’t mean objectivity, because the president can choose not to tell us about the negative growth rates, the number of understaffed hospitals in far-flung provinces, or such. I think the SONA only describes half of our nation’s status quo.

Second, I think that instead of merely giving figures of isolated projects-gone-right, a SONA could be a good venue to be transparent about the national budget. How come it’s never discussed? We hear about earnings from one industry or another, but what I want to hear about is where those earnings go. Of course, thieving government officials would steer clear of financial auditing in public, but at least give us some general idea.

The last remarkable thing about the 2009 SONA was how it kind of turned into a formalized bashing session of President Arroyo’s critics. The air was so heavy with bitterness (Haha). I guess she needed that, and I don’t really blame her for wanting an outlet. It was absolutely amusing to see. Philippine politics and show business have so much in common, with the crazy publicity stunts and with all the trash-talking. In my opinion, everyone deserves what they get hit with. It’s a dirty game they chose to play. Philippine politics is a lot like a Mexican telenovela: it never runs out of plot twists, but they’re all more or less predictable.

Of course, everyone was also talking about GMA’s vagueness regarding her rumored plans of extending her position as the head of state. It’s a separate issue, but I was expecting her to say something definite as well. However, from what little she said, it looks like she has some fishy plans up her sleeve. Either that, or the president just wants Philippine politics the telenovela to have a mystery/suspense feel.

Actually, I don’t hate Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. I don’t feel the need to burn her in effigy (or in reality); not even the need take to the streets and rally for her to step down. I think it is helpful that she knows about Economics, and I think she’s better at this job than an impeached, former action star who slurs all his words. No offense meant to others who might not have the same opinion. And besides, before anyone feels the need to burn me as well, I’d like to add that I’m not a Gloria fan either. She’s a lying, stealing trapo, I know. But I think she did some good things too.

I’m just waiting for 2010, when she steps down, fair and square, and I get to vote for someone whom I hope will be a better president. If she tries to extend her stay in power, though, I’ll be among the first to grab a torch. Because all I really know about the state of our nation is that we have the right to choose what happens to it. We won’t let anyone take that away, so I still believe that things are looking up.