Saturday, December 27, 2008

Xing

You weigh everything, that's what you do—
the decisions, situations, the painful truths.
You think, and somewhere between the thoughts
a choice was made and we both lost—
or so I think.

This one time I wish you didn't keep your word
that one day you'd take back everything I heard.
But the word's sticking and days are passing,
hours and minutes spent sleepless, tormenting—
yes, more than I would care to admit.

I made my mistakes, exceeded the bounds
we fought against currents, but something gave out.
Maybe the waves were bigger this time,
wiped clarity out from our once certain minds.

Moving on and walking out
halfway to it I turn around
I drop the bags you yourself have packed
but you tell me again, to just head back
out the proverbial door.

Maybe I'll camp on a corner somewhere
wait for hope to be shed bare
until it dies a natural death
or until I force myself to forget,
but I might not.

Among the words on endless parade,
coupled with contradicting charades
looking for answers to questions unuttered,
doors closed but windows are left unshuttered,
but we might leave it at that.

Because decisions determine direction
and I lost you somewhere in your mind's intersections.
You think, and somewhere between the thoughts
a choice was made and we both lost.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is me trying to write poetry. :P It sucks, I know.

This blog has become so much of a venue for me wallowing in self-pity and despairing thoughts that I'm thinking of scrapping all past entries and starting over.

Yeah, I'm thinking of starting over. :)

For Pinoy Lit poerty which doesn't suck, and topics possibly less depressing than the ones in this blog, visit http://emanilapoetry.com/
(But you may want to skip my posts there. They suck too. :P)

4 comments:

Juvy said...

What does "Xing" means? :)

I think my sister writes for emanila too. haha. :)

nice poem.

rz fortajada said...

Haha, thank you. :)

Yeah, she does. Kasama siya sa authors nung naglabas ng anthology ang emanila. I read some of her poems, and she's really good.

Alam mo 'yung mga giant yellow pedestrian crossing signs na "Ped Xing" 'yung nakalagay? :P Xing is short for "crossing". :) And this one is about an ex, so well. Haha. Bangag lang eh. :P

Juvy said...

hahaha. Oh, you've read it? Which one? She's great and I'm one proud little sister. haha.

OH. CROSSING pala..hahahaha. I was thinking of something.. Mandarin-ish. or baka nasasabaw na ako sa mga chekwa dito. :)

Oo nga, I figured sa tono ng tula mo. :)

rz fortajada said...

Hehe, feeling ko nga akala mo Chinese. :P

I haven't actually read the anthology, nakita ko lang 'yung name niya sa list of contributors somewhere. Hehe. :P At nabasa ko lang 'yung iba niyang work sa archives. :) Haha, cute. Proud little sister. :)

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