Drawn To The Ones Who Never Yawn

If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed
then we should feed our jewelry to the sea.
For diamonds do appear to be
just like broken glass to me

It's a school day today. In less than four hours I will take another bath, put on another shirt, and another pair of pants, eat another breakfast, and ride another two jeepneys and breathe in the usual morning pollution. Life is back to its routine--to its rythms, to the lullabyes that drag us down into a subtle and willing monotony. Sometimes I feel like I'm sleeping through my life, on the days I spend on autopilot--counting hours so I can go home to sleep and count hours again the next day. It really is a lot like the lullabyes that my mother used to sing to me, recurring, beckoning into the unconscious.

And that's what I'm trying not to do--to live my life unconsciously. I don't know why I'm feeling this restless all of a sudden--maybe I'm just young and stupid, like they all say. Well if I really am, and I want to make the most of this stupidity and youth--because I know that's what older people miss. I'm not going to pull a Peter Pan and hide away from growing up. I want to grow up, but I want to be aware of it too.

The ink is running toward the page, it's chasing off the days...

I guess this is partly about the things I want for myself--the things I've always wanted to do--that I haven't accomplished until now. I know I'm not running out of time, but there's just really so much I want to do, and I don't want to cram my life. Haha. I know I practically have a doctorate in procrastinating, but I don't want to live my life cramming, spending the last days of it in a rush to live the way I've always wanted to.

And then she said she can't believe
genius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tongues

I really don't know what's come over me these past few days. My theories range from the need for a post-break up self-reinvention, or maybe this a post-18th birthday stress syndrome...what the heck. I'm just hoping this isn't something like teen angst part two, because I was never happier than when I realized that I'd gotten over that. Haha.

I know the world's a broken bone--but melt your headaches, call it home.

And besides, I'm not angry at the world. I love it. It's so full of possibilities. I'm just restless to be reckless. Maybe this is that feeling of invincibility that older people call stupid. Haha. I don't mind. I have a life to live--corny jokes to crack, friends to laugh with, people to love, and songs to sing.

Which brings me to another topic--I just love Panic at the Disco's Northern Downpour. That's where all these lyrics came from. Just promoting. Haha.

Hey moon, please forget to fall down, hey moon, don't you go down.

See, I'm so restless that I don't even sleep anymore. I am, literally and figuratively, drawn to the ones who never yawn.