The Janus Tributes 3: Resolutions

Christmas and New Year's were pretty quiet this year, and I wasn't in the usual mood for wishlists, presents and year-ender posts. I did have awesome fun with my friends before the break, but the holidays are a time for family--and honestly, I love my folks but they're really boring. (They read this blog, by the way. Awkward questions, plus I am generally so dead. I hope they forget the url. If you haven't, well hello there parents. Please stop reading.)

Anyway, the main reason for not having a year-ender was that 2010 lacked the usual craziness and chaos that I usually go through. While I'm very grateful for such a stable and peaceful year, those two adjectives barely make for any interesting stories. The last year was great for meeting and keeping friends, but not much for telling tales. I did gain a lot--knowledge; wisdom; friends; weight; and increased alcoholic tolerance (either that, or better control over my drinking) among other things. But I can't rid myself of the feeling that I could've done more. I could've been more.

Thus, I've decided to make resolutions this year. It's been a while since I've made any lists, but here we go.

Dear Rz,

This 2011, never ever forget to:

1. MAKE A LOT OF RESOLUTIONS. And by resolutions, I mean short-term goals; concrete things to work for. 
2. TAKE CHARGE. Of your life; of your relationships; of your work. Don't leave things to chance--or worse--to someone else. You know you can do it, so why don't you?
3. GO FOR IT. [Ehem, OJT, ehem] I'm tired of your easy come, easy go, laid-back attitude. You have to push yourself this year. It's time to get up and get the things you really want. It will get tiring, and you'll feel perfectly like crap, but if you keep giving a little extra, it will all be worth it. On a related note, 
4. GET WHAT YOU WANT. If what you're getting isn't what you want, dump it and find something better. C'mon self, give yourself a treat. Don't settle for second best.
5. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS. You know how bad you are at this. But you have awesome people in your life and you can't afford to lose them, so lose the hermit habit instead. Reach out, let them in, and be good to them, always.
6. MAKE BAD DECISIONS (sometimes). I don't mean the life-ruining, relationship-wrecking type of bad. I mean the type which makes for funny stories later on. Don't be so uptight. Stable is best left to ICU patients and couples trying to start a family, and you're neither. Now is the best time to live for yourself, before you spend your whole life on responsibilities. "The things we regret most are not what we did but what we didn't do."
7. LIVE HEALTHIER. Okay, blogging this at one in the morning is a bad start. But please sleep earlier when you can, and learn how to wake up before 8 a.m. again. Lessen the cough-and-colds count this year. Last year was too much.
8. DO SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE FLABS. It's a bit rich to talk about flabs when you're such a skinny bitch, but they don't look good on you. So hit me with some sit-ups this year. I'm not talking six-pack abs overnight, but if your stomach and love handles get any fluffier, you'll be mistaken for a pregnant woman with your otherwise thin frame.

Just look at this letter from time to time; keep your word, and you'll do fine. This will be your year. Make it worth recalling when December rolls around.

Love,

Yourself

Something's Mi si g

You can ignore this post, doesn't make any real sense, well maybe except for me.

So I've been perpetually hungry and restless and all that. I have about 5 movies waiting to be watched, 7 and a half of the Demonata books to read, and some Chuck Palahniuk ebooks to try out too. I have several games on this laptop, from Plants Vs. Zombies to The Sims 3. I have cable TV. I have a guitar, and several gigabytes of downloaded songs in my hard drive. We have a refrigerator, which my mom has wisely stocked with an assortment of snacks. I have my Facebook account, my Plurk page, and I have enough cell phone credits to last me for the week. I have one or two friends nearby whom I can call to invite out, or crash with. To say that I've laid out some boredom-prevention methods is quite an understatement.

And yet, I'm fidgety. I can't sit still long enough to get anything done. Whether I'm reading or playing or watching TV, I can't seem to stop myself from getting up every ten minutes, heading downstairs to the refrigerator. I open it, stare at its contents, craving for something I just can't define. I grab one snack or another, and then halfway through finishing my food I decide it's not really what I wanted.

I can't believe it took days and a Facebook post to figure it out.

Maybe it's because this has been going on for a while, that I'd somehow assumed I was used to it. But now it's getting to me once again. Maybe it's because of the break, a time when I don't have school to worry about, or  idyllic tambay hours to fill my day. Maybe it's that Christmas is just around the proverbial corner, and everyone talks about being with the people they love, the people they care about—the people that matter.

Maybe it's because I've had to say goodbye in different ways to a couple of people just recently. And probably because there's someone I've been wanting to be with for so long now.

I might have a lot here, it's a good life. But something's missing—aside from cash of course. Haha. Seriously though, sappy as it is—I'm missing you, and you, and you, and most of all, YOU.

Raiding the fridge is my way of showing you how much I really care.

Photo shamelessly stolen from Definitely Filipino.

 To all the people I miss (whether you're halfway around the world, or just 30 minutes away from my house), and to all who share this feeling of missing, let's still keep Christmas merry okay?

All right, I'm going back to reading now. No wait, lemme check the fridge first.

Post Drinking Session Dissonance

As I've learned in my interpersonal communication class, there is this thing called post-decision dissonance. If I've learned anything right in class, this simply pertains to the doubts one encounters after making a particular decision. This is usually where rationalization kicks in, and you find that you're defending yourself against, well, your own arguments. Happens to all of us, doesn't it?

In class, we were given the compulsive shopper example. But since I am among the rare subspecies of females/human beings in general who do not derive utter joy from draining my wallet in one shopping session--I'm more of the type who takes light years to decide on whether or not to buy even just a shirt--I really couldn't relate to it. Last Thursday night/Friday morning though, I realized that I might have found another common illustration.

You've probably heard of the Latin phrase in vino veritas, translated in English as in wine there is [the] truth. The most common explanation for why people do the stupid things they do when they're drunk is that it's their natural self coming out, with all their repressions thrown out the window.

Cuervo not included in this shot.

After all, it's so easy to say "oh, I was drunk, I didn't even know half of what I said". I don't know, but I'm still pretty unsure about that one. I'm certainly no expert when it comes to drinking. Sure, I might forget more than half of what I say when I'm drunk, but the things I do remember, well, they are all true.

Case in point: so I got emo-drunk at our batch party and I ended up doing a monologue of sorts. It's all hazy, but thinking back I realized that a lot of the things I said were honest as hell and that it was the first time I had ever shared those kinds of thoughts to a group of people I barely knew.

 

I know the alcohol had probably killed way too much of my repressive brain cells at the time, but I don't lay the blame on it entirely. I know I made a conscious decision to start talking, and I know for a fact I was still able to filter what needed to be filtered (well, with some people anyway).

So I don't know. Maybe alcohol is what leads us to betray ourselves. But we shouldn't absolve ourselves from all responsibility for the things we do or say. (Unless, perhaps, you've drunk enough to be in a coma, but  then at that point you can't really do or say anything, so nevermind).

The thing is, we wouldn't even have to worry about this if we weren't hiding so many things in the first place. As for myself, I was embarrassing, but ask me right now and I can tell you the exact things I shared that morning. I wasn't really hiding them, just not so keen on sharing them to everyone.

But seeing that the world is so full of people who are so good at hiding and not expressing what they really feel, maybe we should all hold a worldwide drinking session so we can let it out. I'm kidding, of course. I'm pretty sure that would do more harm than good--imagine learning that your best friend is harboring some secret desire for your mom or something like that.

All I'm saying is that, if it's not really criminal, abhorrently immoral, or devastatingly hurtful, try letting it out. Don't wait for the empty bottles to betray you into spilling what you've kept  bottled in for so long.

Cheers to a Merry Christmas folks.

And regards from me and my drinking buddies. They'll hate me for this. Hahaha.

CREDITS: All photos in this post (and in the one before this, too) are courtesy of Ria Landingin.

December-Ender

Yay it's Christmas! Well, not really, but it's the Christmas break for me anyway, and I've managed to start it in the craziest way possible. Since I'm too lazy for any kind of story telling, I'll just give you a quick rundown of my school December-ender.

There was the UP Manila Lantern Parade, most of which involved running along the streets and chanting my lungs out. I'd hoped to attend the parade with my ComSci friends this year, but due to some last-minute night out planning and a general feeling of laziness, I ended up going alone. Fortunately I met up with an OrCom friend and we had a couple of hours of lantern parade fun. Our college never wins, but well, I love CAS all the same.

I didn't even get to finish the parade since we had to leave for Pateros, where we held our OrCom batch Christmas party. Turned out to be one epic night. I can't really go into any details for the sake of our reputations. Suffice it to say that we spent the night (and the wee hours of the morning) having mini-concerts and embarrassing ourselves in ways we never even thought we knew how. Watch out for my next post for my personal experience about this. Hahaha.

This batch is love.

The last few moments of the morning were a blur for me, all I know is I woke up at noon with nearly all my batch mates gone. I ate a very late lunch at my friend's house, then set off to find my way home and got lost on the jeepney ride from Pateros to Guadalupe. I missed my stop and went on a round trip with the super-friendly driver, Manong Vicente. We sort of bonded and I think I gained myself a new friend, as well as a tour of Kalayaan Avenue and the Guadalupe Makati area.

What else can I say, except it was a pretty good way to end the year with my school friends. Sometimes, my life is just awesome.

The Janus Tributes: PLAY

Otherwise known as FAST-FORWARD v2.0. But I changed it for this year, because I fast-forward is, well, something I want to avoid doing this year.

I still believe in New Year's resolutions--though not the kind where I promise to clean my room more often and not cram my homework. Those are 18 year-old promises that I've long since given up real hope on. As the priest said in his homily yesterday evening, a wishlist is different from a resolution. A wishlist is where you want to be, but a resolution is a map of the road you'll take. And while I'm sure my mom's wishlist includes me waxing the floors and organizing my drawers more often, I've got other plans.

Actually I have just one resolution. And cliche as is it, this is the first time I'm resolving to do this--to live in the moment. I used to be a planner--but if there's anything I've learned in the last year, it's that life is surprising, and that's mostly because there is a Higher Being who has better plans for me.

I'm not saying I'll be carefree and stupid this year. Of course I'll have to do a little thinking ahead. I just won't be as stubborn. I'm learning, slowly and steadily, when to push on and when to quit. I'm starting to see the difference between trying to open doors and trying to ram into walls.

I will, of course, still strive to make progress. As Jek told me in one of my darker moods (from Meet The Robinsons)--KEEP MOVING FORWARD! But steadily this time, no more rushing.

I will try not to let a day go by unlived and meaningless (although it will be a challenge to derive meaning from a weekend afternoon on an HBO marathon). I will live and learn from the best and the worst days of this coming year, because I know I'll never be able to get them back. Each day will be different, and I'm realizing that it's quite a shame to miss one. Yes, even the really bad days are worth living. Damn, I'm sounding too optimistic. Quickmelt mode. Haha.

..I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...

-Henry David Thoreau, an excerpt from Walden

And my mom might be glad after all, because I'm suspecting that to the phrase carpe diem might involve scrubbing and waxing floors, too, some days.

Today is January 1, 2009. It's a New Year. Let's live it well and keep moving forward. :)

The Janus Tributes: REWIND v2.0

Okay, I've had two celebrations and a nasty stomachache, thus my year-end post is technically late, because today--oh yes--today is the start of a new and wonderful, wonderful year! :D But before I get over-perky and drain this bottle of wine, I just can't let 2008 go without thanking the people who have made it great (or just plain bearable, in some cases) for me.

WARNING: This is really cheesy. But it's the new year anyway, pagbigyan niyo na. :D

My Family
They will probably never get to read this (except my sister, possibly, but we're banned from reading each other's blogs, haha), but still. They have been the best this year. With all the crazy changes that went on, especially with my academic life, they've been overwhelmingly assuring in just being there and being supportive. Even when I'm rude and angsty teen-ish, when I'm cranky and when I act like a stubborn 3 year-old, they tolerate me. And in turn, I washed more dishes than ever for them. Haha. Nothing can ever replace family, so I love and treasure these folks. :)

Julie Ann
You've probably seen this name over and over and over again in my posts, in surveys, and wherever else. She's my best friend, and I can never be grateful enough for that. Armageddon, alien invasions, or the ABS-CBN Twilight knock-off may come, but knowing that I have someone like her around makes me feel quite better about it all. Simply, thank you for everything. And when I say everything, that's a whole lot. Like 5 happy years of my life. :P Stay happy. :)

Aurielle Junine and Jamile Ayla
The first real barkada I've had in years. Haha. Thank you, nauubusan na'ko nang pagka-cheesy, pero thank you talaga. Kahit na halata namang medyo kakaiba ang trip ko sa kanilang dalawa, these girls have never made me feel out of place. In fact, they've helped me find my place in the chaotic world of UPM. Whoohoo! I lab you both. Haha. :P

Block 12 AY 2007-2008
My wonderful, wonderful blockmates. College life will never be the same without you. These are some of the smartest and funniest people I've ever met. Kahit na baka umalis ako at kahit hindi ko na kayo makasabay magpuyat para sa mga MP, alam niyo namang lagi niyong kasama ang kaluluwa ko, wishing you luck. Itanong niyo na lang kay Bona kung anong sabi ng kaluluwa ni Rizza. Hahaha. Whoohooo! Galingan niyo mga GC, dapat may mag-US na sa ComSci. :P At sana lahat ng regular pa ay makagraduate na sa 2011 ha. Hahaha. At magplano pa kayo ng block bonding, bilis. Sama pa din ako. :D

FBC (and VFBC) Family
And when I say family, I mean it. That's how you've really made me feel. My UPM experience will not be complete without you. Sa mga ka-batch ko, thank you for making this year a fruitful one. Paging George Geotina, kung mababasa mo 'to, miss na kita. Haha. Dahil nawawala ka dyan, special ka. :P To our seniors (and super seniors), thank you sa guidance, at sa maraming marami naming natutunan sa inyo. :) It's been a singular experience to work with all of you guys, and I love you all for that. :)

Old Friends
Namely, si Pareng Jek, si Norie, si Tinabear, si Louise at ang iba ko pang friends from high school na bigla na lang sumusulpot at nawawalang parang mushrooms. Haha. Miss ko na kayo. Sa mga grade school friends kong nakikita ko pa rin araw araw sa UPM, namiss ko kayo ngayong Christmas break. :P Seriously, even though we don't get to talk or see each other as much as we used to, I know you guys will always be there. And know that I will too. :D

Andrew and Angel
My pull-me-out-of-the-sofa-on-a-sem-break-morning tandem. Oo na, mga BI kayo. But if anything this year, you've done a great job of cheering me up. Instant ate at kuya (haha) pa. So thank you. Let's have more pancakes this 2009. :D

Vinci
(Ayan, special ka na.) My best friend from the land of far far away, who alternates between cooking up dishes with fancy names, and reading my detailed blogs and emails. Umuwi ka naman kasi, daig mo pa ang TNT diyan. :P Hate you. Haha. Thank you, for being a constant. You know what I mean. :)

New Friends
To the people I've met this year, to those I've talked to and shared stories, laughs, and lots more nonsense with, thank you. Kasama na din ang mga nagiging kaklase ko sa mga GE ko ngayon. Hi din sa BehSci sophomores dahil talagang mabait kayo. Special mention ang 2008 Freshies, lalo na ang Doctor of Dental Medicine Block 15. Kahit na hindi ko kayo laging nakakabond at kahit disoriented akong FBC, you've made this year special for me, kaya salamat. :) Syempre, hi din Block 16. Lalo na kay SK na binabastos ako lagi. Haha. Sa mga kasama ko sa SoComSci lalo na sa fourth year--kina Kuya MC at Kuya Bong, at kay Ate Perl. Sa idol kong si Kuya Robert, at sa napaka-friendly na si Juvy. Sa mga DPSM Profs, lalo na sa MCSU, lalo na sa mga Math profs na super sipag--kay Ma'm Weng na diyosa, kay Ma'm Len na makulit at super bait, kay Sir Mong, at kay Sir Jobert. And to other people whom I've shared meaningful conversations and discovered surprising connections with, thank you for being a part of my 2008. Feeling close na kung feeling close sa mga taong mentioned dito, but you've made a mark on me for the last 12 months, so thank you. :D

That's my rewind for the year. Because there are no better memories than the ones I've shared with the people who are dear to me. :) To all those mentioned above, and to all those reading this,

Cheers to a
HAPPY NEW YEAR!