Hide And Speak

An open letter to someone I doubt will be reading this:

Dear Ex-Crush,

I finally found you. All (or most) of you, on the Internet. And I did it without even trying to. Almost a year of looking, and I only find it now--when I've finally lost the desire to find anything.

I found you, and I saw how you've changed. To say it was for better or for worse is not really my business. But you changed, and grew into the person I now half-know. I can't explain why, although I am devoid of the irrationalities and feelings that went with my admiration, I can't really say that I do not care at all. Maybe it's because you're the one I never really understood. Or perhaps I was just looking for something to understand when in fact, there was nothing.

All I can say is, I wish you well.

Just Me

Anyway, this got me thinking about how big the Internet universe is. It's so big that you can always find your own little corners where you can pour your heart out. There's a whole load of personal history you can gather from the web. Take for example, my outdated, unused Friendster and Xanga accounts--which I shall leave untouched to serve as embarassing memorials of a past life. In this case, I found the past lives of a past crush. Talk about history.

I'm betting some 20 years from now, I will look back on all these blogs and social networking accounts of mine, and marvel at how I was such a kid back then. But then, that's the way it always is. We always think of our past selves as naive kids.

I've realized that this entry has made me seem like the creepy little stalker that I sometimes am. But hey, as I've said, it's not my fault if people choose to publicize personal information and I find them. Goodness knows I'm not trying too hard--it's only all Google, you know.

So there. I will now seriously prepare for my report--a task I've managed to procrastinate on for the last two hours. This'll just be another outpouring to add to this particular corner of mine. I have so many of them already. And I confess that sometimes I just can't help but wonder if anyone's looking to find me in these secret places too.

I ar hiding. You cant cee me.