Growing Pains

I know it's pretty late to blog about Inception or my birthday. Nevertheless this is a blog sort of about my birthday and it starts with me watching Inception.

I actually watched the movie a couple of weeks before my birthday. It was the first movie I ever watched by myself, and it was an awesome first time, I must say. I loved how intelligent the whole thing was. However, it didn't blow my mind as much, because I didn't think of the many interpretations of the plot when I watched it. Aside from the kick-ass zero-gravity fight scenes, what really struck me about the film was that it showed how easily we could lose track of reality.

The slightly depressing part is, I think I'm getting too grounded in it. This is where my birthday comes in. You see, I turned twenty barely a week ago. And while I don't want to be Peter Pan, I'm a teeny bit worried that I might be getting too caught up with the mundane things in my life. 

Actually, people never believe me when I tell them my age. I'm already used to being mistaken for either a boy, or a fourteen year-old (and on one hilarious instance, I was mistaken for both). I have no problems with acting like a kid either—you know, playing computer games when I'm supposed to be studying for exams, not cleaning my room, that kind of stuff.

But the thing is, I'm afraid I may have forgotten how to dream. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a detective, a ninja, and a magician. Later on I wanted to be a lawyer. Then I started reading the Harry Potter series and I wanted to be J.K. Rowling.

During my last year in high school, I seriously considered a degree in Humanities or Creative Writing. After doubting my writing prowess and having countless mini-debates with my mom, I decided to let it go. I personally settled for a degree in Computer Science, because it was a "serious, real" career—and the salary isn't so bad either.

And then you probably know the rest—I shifted out and landed in OrCom, which I think is an awesome course. It's where I want to be. Now my concept of dreaming is lusting over a job as an account manager for an advertising firm. I'd earn enough and buy my parents a house, buy myself a car, and then get my own place. I want a kid or two (but unless I start gaining romantic interest in guys then I'd probably have to save up for a costly, husband-less procedure, or for adoption). So far off, I know. It probably shows maturity, and having goals is a good thing. But where'd my other dreams go?

Sure, I'm gonna grow up. Who says I can't be awesome at it?

I know stability is a good thing, but I can't help but want to shake things up a bit. I just turned twenty, and now, more than anything, is the time to live life before my responsibilities start catching up with me. I mean, my mom's constantly on my neck about graduating ('cause I got delayed). I already have a family to support, and future hospital bills to worry about. So don't blame me for wanting to be young and reckless and stupid. I just want to be alive.

(Yes, I know that was incredibly cheesy and cliche.)

I guess the first un-adult thing I should do is to stop thinking too much and start doing (fun) things instead. So I'm gonna go now,and I'm gonna have fun. So should you.

Stories

The world is made up of and by stories. I think, that all we are are stories.

Some are happy, some sad. Some are irrational (like trying to carry on with a phone conversation while being ridiculously drunk), and some are well thought out plans. Some we tell, and some we don't.

There is a story that I haven't told you. I want(ed) to, but then there is the matter of whether I could, or I should. You see, I'm still quite confused.

Partly I believe that it doesn't really matter, because the detail I'm leaving out is actually such a tiny bit. Just think of it as a prologue. You already know the stories. They started in the ungodly hours of the morning, over time and space and being strangers, and they drew us closer into becoming friends. They were stories in coffee shops, nearby watering holes, crowded hallways—and once, even on one of those terrifying MMDA foot bridges.

I don't need to tell anything more because the stories are complete by themselves. On most days I'm certain that's all there is to them. [But I probably will tell you, the next time you ask.]

I value stories most, because in the end we have nothing else, except the times we shared with people who mattered. The biggest favor you did for me (which I would like to thank you for) was to build stories with me. The best thing about them is that they will never be lost, unless we forget, perhaps. But you can be sure that I won't forget.

This is not the end though. The next best thing about stories is that they go on, despite time and distance (and the lack of prepaid credits for making international calls).

So take care of yourself. And any time you need someone to tell stories to, you'll know how to find me.

Stage Fright

I'd rather hide behind the curtains

I don't want to be seen.

I'd rather watch, dim the lights,

or man the ticket machine.

But I would sing in the shower

when there's no one to hear.

Oh I could be a rockstar

if not for this fear.

You see, I dream to entertain

with swooning fans at my feet.

To get up on that platform

and lose myself to the beat.

But I shake and I cringe,

I run away from the spotlight.

It's just this terrible, weakening

incurable stage fright.

Quite an impromptu poem for a humanities class tomorrow, because I realized all my poetry are either mushy, crappy, or brooding. I'm not sure if this is a welcome change though, it still seems a bit morose or something. Anyway, even if it's quite hurried, it actually is something I've been wanting to discuss for a while. But more on that later, I'm too scatter-brained to blog. Man, school is tiring.

Underwrite

Okay, so I haven't blogged the whole summer. Needless to say, it was uneventful. Painfully uneventful, actually, that at one point I was almost convinced that learning to eat fire—with the matching inevitable hospitalization—would be a good way of spicing my summer up. But not really, I didn't plan to do that. Owing partly to the paranoia I inherited from my mother, and partly to my incredible laziness, I never learned to eat anything more daring than weird vegetables and moderate amounts of spicy canned food.

I never went anywhere, nor went swimming. I didn't learn how to drive, or even to cook a decent meal. Heck, I didn't even go out with friends. Probably the most adventurous thing I did was trying out for a summer call center job for ePLDT Ventus—I met a couple of funny people—but they never called me back. Thus ensued another summer of astounding levels of nothingness. 

That's changed now. To my huge relief, classes have resumed. My schedule still is prefect for bumming out—free Tuesdays and Fridays—which I kind of dislike, since I've had enough of my small house and my pink room to last me a couple of stressful weeks. I've been doing nothing for so long that the thought of spending nights sleepless and poring over readings seems almost appealing.

Writing is pretty. [Click the photo for credits.]

So what's there to learn from all of this? I have no idea. I just wanted to share, because today I came home from the first real, whole class session I've had in the semester, and tomorrow we're leaving for an overnight stay in Fontana with my parents' friends. 

I just feel like I have my life back. And apparently, me with no life means me with no blog either. I just realized how much of myself I really put into this blog—it's not that I didn't have any thoughts at all in the last two months, it's just that I was in a mood so lethargic that I couldn't seem to put them into writing. 

I'm reminded that writing is really a lot more than just a hobby for me—not just a way to release excess thoughts, or bitch about how the universe loves to bully me. It's not just a venue for my pseudo-profundity, or a grammatical exercise. Writing is really my life.

Back when I was fresh from high school, I decided not to pursue a Creative Writing degree because I was quite sure that with my moodiness and meager creativity, I wouldn't be able to make a decent living. And then the whole course-choosing-then-shifting thing happened. Through that and everything else I think I've proven that writing is my passion—something I'm sure I'll be doing for as long as I can, regardless of whatever career path I land on.

It's a good feeling to have something you can own. It's about time I claimed it, don't you think?

Why Go For Gordon

I am a first-time voter. And yet, I am already tired. I'm tired of this hell-hole of corruption, poverty, deceit and chaos that our country has fallen into at the hands of selfish leaders. I am tired. And that's why on Monday, I WILL VOTE.

As for the matter of choosing the new head of our country, I WILL VOTE FOR DICK GORDON.


I will vote for him because he is competent. His track record says it all, and his experience in the executive department is unparalleled.

I will vote for him because he means well. We can all see that what he has done in Subic and as Red Cross Chair has been beneficial to many.

I will vote for him because has a strong character and sufficient political will to set this country straight. What others see as arrogance, I see as a good weapon against the corrupt, manipulative government officials who will criticize him and make efforts to thwart his reasonable plans of action.

If that's not enough to convince you, then let me tell you why he might as well be the best, and almost only logical choice.

I refuse to vote for politicians who exploit the poor. I cannot honestly say that I love the masses, but that may be as well if loving them means insulting their intellect, like certain orange-clad gentlemen do. I do not want the masses to remain the way they are—impoverished, poorly educated, and susceptible to despicable, bare-faced lies.

I refuse to vote for manipulative politicians. I've had enough of the current government's lies and cover-ups. That's why we don't need a president who can't even face up to legitimate issues during the campaign period. Imagine him in Malacanan—with every scandal uncovered he'll probably hire script writers to distract us with dramatic monologues from him and his supporters, or maybe even his mother.

I refuse to vote for mediocrity. Inspiration and good intentions are never enough. Remind me about inspiration three or four years from now, when we're six feet deeper into poverty and foreign debt because of a president who lacks the competence to efficiently address those problems. Good intentions will not fill the stomachs of the hungry families, nor the heads of children who are relying on the government to give them the good education they deserve.

We cannot sing patriotic songs and stand around waiting for miracles like EDSA to happen every time. We need a president who can do something about the seemingly miraculous feat of transforming our rotten political system into a real servant-leadership.

I refuse to vote because of lineage. As I have just read from Ramon Tulfo's column, "Don't vote for a candidate because of his or her lineage since that criterion is like choosing a pet dog". Breed your dogs, not your presidents.

I refuse to vote solely on the grounds of morality. I am a Catholic, but I believe that the voice of a dominant religion is not necessarily the voice of God, and that the church and the state were separated for a good reason. If you want morality, then let me tell you what our moral duty is—to vote for a president who will help us help each other by concrete means.

That being said, it seems to me that only Mr. Gordon and Mr. Teodoro are the feasible choices. Personally I will go for Gordon because he has had more experience, and because from what I've seen of him, he can provide us with the disciplinary action that our country desperately needs. We have great laws, but our officials greatly fail in implementing them. And that's where Gordon can step in.

On a side note, Teodoro can also have another shot in 2016. He's relatively younger. I believe that NOW IS GORDON'S TIME.

I think I've given you excellent reasons WHY GORDON IS THE BEST CHOICE. I'm sure he won't be perfect, but he's as close to it as we can get, given our options.

If you're not voting for Gordon then weigh the factors. And if you can't give me excellent reasons against him, then I suggest you give in and GO FOR GORDON.